2000 Sick-Steen

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mtomlinson

I guess one could argue that right off the bat, this year has made me sick:

PHOENIX - JANUARY 30: Jenny McCarthy and her husband Donnie Wahlberg demonstrate the virgin contenstant's kiss on the television show 'The Bachelor' before McCarty's Sirius XM radio show at the Super Bowl's Radio Row at the Phoenix Convention Center on January 30, 2015. (Photo by Matthew J. Lee/The Boston Globe via Getty Images)

For decades I have (sadly? you decide) rung in the new year watching Dick Clark’s Rockin’ Eve, and for the last few I’ve Raiders of the Lost Ark-ed my way through:

melt

My very first sight every time the clock ticks down to zero is Jenny McCarthy, ramming her tongue down Donnie Wahlberg’s throat. Where’s the vaccination for that, because it makes me sick!

Then there’s poor ol’ Fergie, whose hand and hip seems to have gone the way of the conjoined twin:

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SHE NEVER TAKES HER HAND OFF HER HIP!  Did she go nuts with a tube of crazy glue before the show?  We need a doctor!

Joking aside, I’m sick for reals and have a cold.  I’ll make it.  I’d rather it be now than a month from now, because my show is Feb 13th and I don’t want to be sick for it!  Except sick with my skills in singing and making you laugh out loud.  But I don’t want you spraying beer out your nose, that would be painful and my show is not meant to injure.  Though, at one of my shows someone nearly choked to death on a chicken wing.  They barfed right beside the stage and I was none-the-wiser. I saw him walk past me mid-song and I thought that was odd, but luckily after a jaunt to the hospital (!) he was back in shape in no time.

Does this mean I can add this tagline to my show posters from now on?

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Not appropriate, Michelle

I wrote a new song last night.  My goal is to write at least three performable songs for the show.  Of course I want them to be funny, but I wasn’t in a particularly hilarious state of mind, what with my sinuses as they are…

cartoon-badheadcold

So I ended up writing a heartfelt ballad that was somewhat inspired by the preparation for the show.  I’ve been mining through my old diaries and love letters, trying to find some comic gold from my heartbreak years.  (Let’s be real though, every year has the potential for heartbreak, but I’m talking the young love variety).  It is PAINFUL reading back some of my ridiculous thoughts about love, relationships and “men”.  I say “men” because how manly and mature can a 20 year old guy be, really?  My first love was eating a bowl of ice cream when he broke up with me.  Seriously.  If only he had licked the bowl, that would have made the story…

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

The spark is gone…mmm, caramel sauce!

The weekend is here, I’ve got a packet of cold and sinus pills, a hot kettle and a neti pot.

Sick!

PS-only 10 tickets are left for the show, so get ’em before they are gone!  Click on the heart below to buy!

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2 Comments

  1. rob
    January 9, 2016 at 12:41 pm

    We should start a Kickstarter Campaign:. “Free Fergie’s Hand”!!!
    Very funny!!!

  2. mtomlinson
    mtomlinsonReply
    January 9, 2016 at 3:15 pm

    I know, right? 😉

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